I figure our band got its start the way most bands do. 

One of my roommates had his guitar out, and the rest of us filed into his room demanding a live show. He played every song we requested – for more than an hour.

Jon kept interrupting Scott’s musicianship by reminding us all that he used to have a bass guitar in high school. 

“It was brown — no!  It was cream. With a fret board like Scott’s. My bass, that is.”

I scoffed, not only because Jon seemed to be lying, but because I spent years preparing myself for this type of bragging. I’ve mastered two legendary instruments of rock.

The piano and the trombone.

The only logical thing to do now was to form a group.

“I’ll just be the manager,” the last guy, Chad, decided. He only played the trumpet. In seventh grade. The rest of us would be music gods.

As a new and momentarily unknown band, though, we’d first have to get ourselves heard. And the best way to do that?

Hit the road.

1. Get appropriate transportation. You cannot carry all your guitars, amps, piano and trombone equipment in a mere sedan. You are going to need a conversion van. As I write this, there’s a 1983 Ford Econoline selling on Autotrader for $195. Essentially, this is what we experts in the rock business call a “no-brainer.”

2. Eat cheap, but well. Musicians must feed their souls with nutritious meats and vegetables. On the way to Iowa City, stop in Bloomfield at Southfork Restaurant and Lounge – where you can get a hearty barbecue pork sandwich and sides for under seven bucks. Farther north, stop in Ainsworth at the Four Corners Restaurant (which is really more of a truck stop) for filling food worth the prices.

3. Sleep cheap, too. Unless you’re OK sleeping in the van crammed next to your snoring friends, you’re going to need to check in somewhere affordable. When you hit Coralville, you will be tempted to get a room in the medieval-themed hotel with a drawbridge and indoor pool.  But just across the highway, you’ll find the Big Ten Inn, a college-sports-themed motel with the cheapest rooms on the strip for only $33 a night. You won’t get a pool or a hot tub, but you should be practicing your instrument anyway.

4. Don’t blow your money on nonessentials. Don’t stop at the Riverside Casino & Resort and empty your pockets playing poker. Don’t spend the last few coins in your pocket trying to win the BMW by the door on the way out. Although these risks can be thrilling, that feeling wears off when you walk outside and realize you have 150 miles left to drive on an empty wallet.

Now, our band might never sell out an arena or even a small theater. Actually, we definitely won’t. We don’t practice or possess any real talent. But if our experience can help just one young musician find success on his first road trip tour, we’ll be satisfied.

Hope to see you on the road.