Instead of France, Spain or Egypt, try Missouri, Iowa and Illinois. There’s a plethora of towns in these states that chose to identify with world-renowned cities by picking distinctively cosmopolitan monikers. For whatever reason, the founders of these towns decided against assigning them more destination-appropriate names like Cornville or Hogtopia, perhaps thinking ahead to possible tourist implications. After all, wouldn’t you jump at the chance to hit up historic Brooklyn? Iowa, that is. No skyscrapers in this little corner of the Corn State.

It borders on ridiculous when you begin to actually compare some of these towns with their international counterparts. Take Paris, for example. The Missouri destination had a whopping population of an estimated 1,458 in 2006, not quite the millions you would find in France. I should probably give up on strolling to the Eiffel Tower or Notre Dame, at least on this continent. Paris does have a church, St. Francis Cabrini, but that sounds more Italian than French to me.

Can’t get into Cuba? Neither can anyone else, unless you’d like to visit the lovely hamlet of Cuba, Illinois instead. There are many fabulous tourist spots to check out, including the Spoon River Public Library, where many valuable books wait to be checked out. Not exactly on par with Guantanamo Bay, but at least they aren’t ruled by a dictator.