Instead of France, Spain or Egypt, try Missouri, Iowa and Illinois. There’s a plethora of towns in these states that chose to identify with world-renowned cities by picking distinctively cosmopolitan monikers. For whatever reason, the founders of these towns decided against assigning them more destination-appropriate names like Cornville or Hogtopia, perhaps thinking ahead to possible tourist implications. After all, wouldn’t you jump at the chance to hit up historic Brooklyn? Iowa, that is. No skyscrapers in this little corner of the Corn State.

It borders on ridiculous when you begin to actually compare some of these towns with their international counterparts. Take Paris, for example. The Missouri destination had a whopping population of an estimated 1,458 in 2006, not quite the millions you would find in France. I should probably give up on strolling to the Eiffel Tower or Notre Dame, at least on this continent. Paris does have a church, St. Francis Cabrini, but that sounds more Italian than French to me.

Can’t get into Cuba? Neither can anyone else, unless you’d like to visit the lovely hamlet of Cuba, Illinois instead. There are many fabulous tourist spots to check out, including the Spoon River Public Library, where many valuable books wait to be checked out. Not exactly on par with Guantanamo Bay, but at least they aren’t ruled by a dictator.

Maybe you’d rather plan a trip to Madrid. I’ve been to the actual Spanish location and was enthralled by the historic buildings and world-famous museums around every corner. The funny thing about Madrid, Iowa is that only 1.2 percent of the population is actually Hispanic. There is in fact one historic attraction called Clay Castle Museum in the Iowa version of Madrid. Sad to say, there aren’t any works by Goya or Velazquez there, but Clay Castle does boast a large collection of dolls donated by Margaret Keigley.

All jokes aside, these locations all have a certain charm that is difficult to match in crowded metropolises. This summer I decided to make Brooklyn, Iowa a detour on my trip to the Iowa State Fair, and I found plenty to catch my attention. I bet you didn’t know Brooklyn was called the “Community of Flags,” that flags from different countries hang on every street corner and that there’s actually a monument near the center of town where you can view flags from each of the fifty states.

New York it ain’t, but there’s something strangely soothing about being able to walk the downtown district in minutes and spot silos in the distance. Nobody questioned me for wandering around and taking pictures or tried to run me over, even though I was obviously a tourist. In short, it was small-town Iowa at its best, but with its own little twist that I haven’t seen anywhere else. Granted, it wasn’t a top-notch tourist destination, but as a stop-off on the barren stretch of I-80 leading to Des Moines, it was a pretty good find.

So I still haven’t figured out why the Midwest has so many towns with exotic names, but I’ve decided to chalk it up to the quirky character of the central states. After all, Iowa hosts a TrekFest for StarTrek fans every year, Illinois is inordinately obsessed with Abe Lincoln and Missourians direct their pent-up anger toward Cubs fans.

True, these towns are setting themselves up for some pretty strange comparisons by choosing to identify with famous international cities and countries, but at least they didn’t go for anything too crazy like Blagoveshchensk or Heilongjiang. Good luck fitting that on a map.